♥ ' sabrina

2012-01-05T14:55:00.002+08:00

goodbye 2011, and hello 2012!

2012-01-01T16:43:00.001+08:00

life is full of never ending suprises, miracle, and full of ups and downs.

2011; it ends yesterday!
i must say that it's full of shits, full of dissapointment. the year when i changed myself, my life as a 17 years old grown up kid.

so basially i spend my day celebrating nenek's birthday with family and cousins and later, i end my 2011 at night with the usuals to catch the fireworks at sg flyer with 2 bottles of blackcurrent vodka 🍸

and so, today is 1st january 2012!
new year new resolution new me. i don't need all this cause i believe that we don't need timing to change yourself, it's all about you setting your own goals.

this time round, i'm not going to think about boys, this that, anything and everything. i'm going to be me, and focus to achieve success and goals! not going to think much about anything but then again .. i'm trying & going to wash the pain from me in 2011 & start a fresh a new life in 2012, insyallah ❤

between the lines

2011-12-27T10:53:00.000+08:00

They say your heart speak the truth - it never once lied.

And sometimes, even the slightest instict is true.

2011-12-15T19:26:00.002+08:00

tell me how to let go,

cause' this heart don't need you anymore,

for you were never there in times of need,

as this girl found happiness lies in him.

placement test

2011-11-16T13:55:00.006+08:00

this is how i study. food and books all over around the table.

tomorrow, thursday - 17th november 2011

tomorrow is the day that i'm worried about. when it comes to schooling .. in ite, i'm pretty fucked up kind of person. screw this school! reason why? i'm always late for school. always appear lethargic, stoned, sleepy but i wasn't busy saving the world last night. not at all. i was the bad person. with no discipline there's no learning.

how about my classmates?
sorry to say that they're all a bunch of fuckers! fucking fuckers!

because they love making so much fuss about over something. some of them like makcik kpo, serious all mulut macam mak nenek. degil, suka cakap banyak memekak nak mampos! satu-satu perangai konek and chronic or whatsoever.

with this, that's the reason why i've made my mind up.

since day one, i've got no interest in ITE. i mean like, no i don't regret being in here because i've got great friends with all the laughters but i simply hate this life. the surroundings, the school environment and everything. being in here, i've got no discipline at all. and when it comes to study, it sucks!

i told myself that i want to be successful in life for the future, but what does it take?

i've made up my mind to leave ITE next year, and plan to take on private school. but one thing, the problem now is whether i can manage it or not!?!

whatever it takes, i'm sure i can do it. provided if i manage my time properly.

and last but not least, i would like to thank my parents for giving me opportunity and supporting me in everything i do. thank you, thank you so much.

happy happy birthday to me

2011-10-27T12:29:00.009+08:00

dear all,

i just wanted to thank you for the impromptu birthday celebration. thank you so much for celebrating my birthday with me and for the wonderful gifts, wishes and cakes. you guys makes it a special day for me. i appreciate all, everything, including your time and attention in the midst of your own hectic schedules. and i had a great time celebrating my birthday with my loved ones with different people. i've never felt like this before .. i feel so happy yet sad, just like a little princess without a prince. but afterall, it was very thoughtful and much appreciated!

xoxo loves, me ♥♥♥

Happy Birthday Wish

2011-10-22T13:04:00.001+08:00

3 more days to my birthday, and it feels like forever. on this special day this year, am not really expecting anything from anyone but all i want is to spend some quality time with my loved ones. i wanna feel like a princess. i want to have fun, and be happy. so please, please, make me feel loved <3

anything im not

2011-10-19T19:02:00.010+08:00

my past hurts me so bad and that's the reason why i don't want to talk about it. i don't want it to be the reason for me to cry again.

17th october, the day i restored my iphone and lost everything. i delete my past and restore myself to start a new life. i'm doing the best i can, the best for me. a new beginning, all by myself.

reality hit me hard and i'm not gonna cry, instead i'll smile. therefore, i'm leaving everything behind with only memories to start a new fresh life.

i'm not sure whether what i'm doing is right or not because i'm not ready to face everything, but i've seen enough! honestly, i'm tired of waiting for you.

only 5 more days until my birthday, and no i've not made up my mind about it. once it's over, i'm just gonna hide myself away but i'll come back again someday! it's hurting me, and i dont know what's wrong with me. what's worth fighting for ...

i don't want to be the one, cause inside i realize that i'm one confused and i'm in a complete mess. gimme a break, a little escape. i am so tired of being me. i wanna be free, i wanna be new & different. i'm going to stop to be someone else and i'm going to learn to love myself more.

i'm staying strong

2011-10-13T14:49:00.004+08:00

it's hurting me. i don't know what's going on right now. i don't have much energy to go further anymore ..

my parents has pretty much given up on me.. they sacrificed a lot for me but end up, i'm hurting them so bad giving them shitsxz and i hate everything about myself because i am a bad terrible influence on my brother, on my little siblings. i'm such a failure, why am i alive!?!

how sad can i get? i lost everything in a blink of an eye, i lost everything in a day! everything!

dear boysxz, i'm sorry. i'm not happy for you so you don't have to contact me anymore cause i wont pick up and reply the phone.

i'm finally out of words, it sucked. you make everything seems so real, yet it's so fake! i'm sorry i'm a sucker for this, hopeless romantic, bullshit. and if you really miss me, you boys need to grow up and come and see me .. cause i'll be right here waiting for you! (':

forgive me, will you?

2011-10-11T19:33:00.002+08:00

im being honest to my parents and i know its a sin and thats stupid, and sorry to say that ive just got my tongue pierced. im very sorry to dissapoint you and i knot that you're going to get angry and mad at me .. i feel like ive failed at being a good daughter, sister, and as a friend too because it shows a bad influence on me.

honestly, i feel so stupid because i dont have the courage to face all of you and reality too because i always do things without thinking. i miss the old me, the old sabrina. i miss the innocent me! but dont worry because i plan to take out all of my piercing pretty soon, most prolly by end of this month/year .. insyallah!

im quite so dissapointed with myself, and i hate myself at the moment for all these things that ive done.

dear all, please don't get mad/cry for me for what i've done. it won't be easy. i need sometime for myself, sometime for me to change but i can't promise you much on that!

please dont blame yourself baba ibu for not giving your love and being too strict to us because that's not the reason for me not being me. i broke your trust, and i broke your heart like a broken mirror. it just falls apart like shattered glass.

im sorry, and i promise you not to do anything stupid without thinking twice, not anymore! im sorry that i love y'all :(

actually, you dont know how i feel.

2011-10-05T13:48:00.008+08:00

i am scared of confessing. i dont worry but all i know is everything's gonna be alright.

will i ever know how it feels to hold you close? you've been on my mind i grow fonder every day, only god knows. you got a bad attitude, but i dont care at all what you done before. its hurting me deep inside, and after all is said and done, i know i'll gain it back somehow.

i fucking admit, i am an extremely jealous girl. i'm not going to deny it. it's an emotion i control but i just can't. because them boys makes me feel like i'm never good enough and i hate that feelings :'(

holy shit .. sometimes, things we expect the most could lead us to dissapointment. i wonder where ive gone wrong. why is it not possible for someone whom i love so dearly accept me for the way i am? isnt life supposed to be about accepting and forgiving? life is indeed infair. why are you making life difficult for me? i felt silly, after you kissed me and all, seriously whatever happened to all the promises?

i thought you were fine, after all the things we've been through. like the love and care we had, it was magic. but all i want is to feel belonged. to you and no one else. im so lost. nevertheless, i still love you as much.

when i was falling, you werent there to even pick me up. you dont even feel sad for me. i tried to stop you from leaving, i tried to understand your situations, i tried to make you stay, i tried to tell you that i love you. but you never ever once tried to understand me, my feelings. after all the test you've put me through, i still want you, boysxz. i hate that i love you for what you've done to me.

takecare, till we meet again!

2011-09-25T23:43:00.004+08:00

i like the fact that i can change people to be a better person when they're with me. they change themselves not for my sake, but they sacrificed themselves at their own will with my help. yes, im bad on my own way and i wont let them follow my shitty steps. and actually, they're worse than me but whatever! i mean if they're willing to change, then why not!?!

imma kind of girl who's like, if you're contacting me, better stick to one! dont go away contacting others, cause i fucking hate it, and stop giving me false hope by doing it so and you should consider yourself lucky if im still with you cause i tend to avoid alot of attention.

it's killing me! i feel so incredibly empty, lost, worthless and depressed inside :'(

im not assuming things, and what i saw may not be what i think! and idk whether you boys are sweet talking me or not but whatever it is, just to let yknow that i hate the fact that its hurting me, really bad that i even cried out loud while typing this .. :'(

sorry to say, just like what i thought, i am not having any high hopes and im not even expecting something in return! not at all ..

its like yknow, "you broke your promises, just like you broke my heart."

your promises, our promises, remember!?!

dont tell me that all these while is just pretend cause if it really is, then i really got nothing left to say .. i'll be get really pissed and from there you'll know the reason why i said that

" ___ are ___"

im not gonna say much, im pretty done sad about it and dont worry cause i'll still be waiting for you boys to contact me back! :/

and for now, all i can do is like what you said to me before that ive to overcome all those unwanted feelings cause you believed that i can stay strong in every shits, in every situations. yes, i will!

and honestly, my life would suck without you and whatever ive said all these while, are sincere thoughts from the bottom of my heart :')

you've changed

2011-09-19T10:14:00.006+08:00

im glad that you've changed! not from bad to worse, but to someone new, changed to someone better.

i was touched by your words. you were supposed to go for reporting today at 10.30am but yet, you give it a miss just because you dont want to go back in again so soon for another 9 months. you told me that you want to spend more time outside before going in back and you promise to take care of me and not to leave me aside anymore just like before.

"i promise to take care of you, abeh bila i dah kat dalam nanti, sapa nak jaga you? you cant even take care of yourself, sabrina"

you told me too that you wont be giving me any false hope cause you dont want me to hurt myself out here and you told me that you want me to be strong and overcome all those unwanted feelings in me but whatever it is noi, i want you to make your decision wisely as for me, yknow i'll be waiting.

i cry myself to sleep after reading the text message that you've had sent me. you told me not to worry about you cause yknow how to deal with it and 'IF' you were have to go back in again, you'll make sure that it'll be right after my birthday ..

everyone deserves a second chance, but only at certain circumstances where a second chance should be given.

favour, please dont create anymore trouble cause i dont want you to go back in again and again. if whatever happens for a reason, then whats the reason for all this. and for now, all i can say is that im sorry & goodluck for your future endeavors :'(

you made your choice, and it wasnt me.

2011-09-14T13:15:00.003+08:00

but sadly, they're all not the same guy and all i need is love.

therefore, im leaving everything behind with only memories to start a new fresh life :')

and i know that its entirely my fault

:'(

2011-09-12T09:57:00.003+08:00

its over between us for now, but im still hoping. you told me to move on, but why must you changed yourself after things fell apart!?! why oh whyyy ... trust me, im happy if you're happy and for everything that has happened, there's a reason behind it. no matter what, im sure there's a way out.

i just want the best for you, boy. im sorry, cause i just dont want to hurt you anymore :(

so yesterday, i had a good talk with my parents about recent issues, about everything and anything just between us three. but obviously, i didnt talk to them about guysxz. i need a shoulder to cry on, i seem to fuck up. i need someone to talk to, anyone who'll listen.

glad that mom is understanding, and dad is atleast ok with it. they're so loving, but sometimes, they're being a bitch too -.-

somehow, i feel good after letting it all out but i feel so sad and lonely at the same time too. boysxz are jerks, they come and go and leave me aside :'(

imma heartbreaker

2011-09-09T11:06:00.004+08:00

mistakes are painful, but as time goes by it becomes a collection of experiences called lessons.

08 september 2009 - 08 september 2011

2 years of love, i couldnt believe it!

good things dont last, and now its over between us :'(

everything happens for a reason, but at some point of time .. i love talking to you, knowing that you get me. and everytime i talk to someone else it just reminds me of how much they dont.

for everyday starting today, i'll miss you. for every hour, i need you. for every minute, i feel you. for every second, i want you. forever, i'll remember and stand by you, im sorry that i love you.

stuck in the moment

2011-09-07T14:04:00.007+08:00

if whatever happens for a reason, then whats the reason for all this.

love hurts, but whatever. i know i lost it, but i'll gain it back somehow. just when i thought that life had gotten better, it just got worse but life's getting better. with or without you, love.

at times like this, i wish you boysxz were here witnessing me reminiscing the times we had together. how you assured me that its all going to be okay, but it doesnt work anymore.

you're happy if im happy, but whats the point of hurting yourself too? like what ive said - you're not mine and ive no rights to stop you. being friends after being for so long is one of risk we're taking. i love you, but i dont think i can have you anymore.

im not sure whether im ready to face this tmr or not, but all i can say is that everything's gone but im still hoping. i know that you'll love me forever and always but i cant, i tried. i dont even know if i was trying, never really wanted to cry.

i know that im being a bitch and i feel that i was drunk during the whole relationship :/

im struggling through everything, and ive made up my mind that im not gonna let anyone hurt me anymore and am not gonna hurt their feelings too.

tomorrow is our 2nd year anniversary and i really dont wish it to end it here just like that. i couldnt believe it, but im doing the best i can, the best for me. a new beginning, all by myself.

im not gonna cry, instead i'll smile because im glad it happened, im glad we happened, im glad we met, and im glad we were together. im glad that you were once a part of me, really!

give me some time to get over it, because im stuck between three and im not leaving because of third party, really! i just need some space .. all alone.

both astro & fatar, they're being a jerk too! korang carik aku bila boring tapi bila aku contact korang, perangai maintain ahk fikir aku buat pakai, apa kirakan kelakar ah sial!?! __

howells, good things dont last but i want you to be here like you used to. reality hit me hard, and i simply hate feeling this way :(

Salam Lebaran

2011-08-31T10:38:00.006+08:00

ive been so strong but ive never failed to cry as much as i did upon hearing the takbir raya every year. there are just too many things running through my mind, too many memories, perhaps the reason is because i've not gotten over the fact that both arwah atok haron & wawa has left us.

time flies so fast. it really breaks my heart, because ive sinned alot!

i still remember the day when mum left us of the first day of raya few years ago, leaving us behind celebrating it with baba alone. incomplete family, but now im glad we're back together :')

"jika jiwa sebening air, maka jangan keruhkan. jika hati seputih awan, jangan mendungkan. raih kemenangan dengan saling memaafkan"

i seek forgiveness for every sin ive committed from allah that he may forgive me, but somehow somewhat someday, i dont know how to seek forgiveness from my parents. i'll just cry like there's no tomorrow.

selamat hari raya, maaf zahir dan batin. maafkan segala dosa-dosa sabrina dengan seikhlas-ikhlasnya dan halalkan makan minum, dan segalanya ...

salam sayang,

Nur Sabrina ♥♥

feelings; no trust no relationship no friendship no nothing.

2011-08-24T10:08:00.005+08:00

i saw what you did to what i gave you. broke me apart inside. is that how you actually treat something that is supposed to mean something?

"Just when I felt like giving up on us
You turned around and gave me one last touch
That made everything feel better
And even then my eyes got wetter
So confused wanna ask you if you love me
But I don't wanna seem so weak"

i nearly gave up on you but why did you have to hug & kiss me again? just what are you trying to say to me? quit playing arond with my heart. i just want to know what do you want from me? you keep me hanging on a thread so pelase tell me something before its too late, before i give up on you. i know ive tried my best to make it up for all my wrongs and everything to you. stop pushing me away and then pulling me back to you.

after all is said and done, ive seen im not the lucky one. im so dissapointed in you, i just cannot stand the way you do. i dont know which i would rather believe, that you never did care or that you eventually stopped. im not gonna compete for you, you either want me or you dont. not so little you and i anymore.

while i was holding on, all you did is to let go. for a few minutes you made me feel as though i actually meant something to someone.

nothing left unsaid, i dont want to dwell in the past. im living in a lie, maybe you're better off without me. im torn stuck in between two :(

you left me waiting, im hating. everything you said to me .. lies, over and over again repeating in my head. im not gonna call/text you till you contact me first, i'll be waiting.

well im almost finally, finally out of words. i hate being this confused, it hurts!

you're back, you're not sorry.

2011-08-22T09:42:00.005+08:00

be yourself, dont change yourself for anyone else. its not worth it, not at all!

i really think that ive to stop texting you. were my words too harsh!?! thank me for saying it on their face that he's a jerk, boys are jerk jerky boys .. im not being mean, im just being straight forward. i dislike you, i really dislike boys and girls for some reason. because of that, they're not picking up my calls and replying my text messages.and come to think of it, if boys are jerks, shouldn't girls be the biggest bitch!?!!! :/

im sorry, i cant be what you want me to be but im not gonna change. im sorry i cant be with you :(

you apologize to me and im suprised that you have really change yourself, not like before!

im so close to being yours after so long leaving me just like that but sadly to say, i belong to someone else.

my past hurt me so bad and thats the reason why i dont want to talk about it. i dont want it to be the reason for me to cry again.

it wont hold us together, we can never be friends. you left me again, just like before and stop giving me false hope, ive had enough! :(

nowhere to be found

2011-08-20T14:42:00.000+08:00

You people are nowhere to be found and I know that you won’t believe me and I know it won’t seem right. When we’d argue and we’d fight and even as we stumble through the darkness and the light, you know these were the best years of our lives.

Wherever you go, I am here to listen and talk to you.

Thank you for standing by my side and you’re the reason I feel that the real me I don’t have to hide.

You’re a good friend and I think you’re the best because you’re certainly a special person, better from the rest. Not only that, you’re certainly one of a kind and guess what? It’s ok cause I don’t mind and thank you so much and you know what I mean because you were my dream, but now it’s exactly as it seems.

How can I forget all that? I can’t believe that we’re still here together and I’m sorry for all the hurt that I’ve caused you.

Professional Sebastian

2011-08-20T13:01:00.008+08:00

15 & 17 august, 2o11.

Professional Sebastian Hair Model @ P&G Wella Studio, Park Mall.

we have butterflies in our stomach, feeling nervous thinking about it.

we're lucky getting involved as a model in this event.
hairstylist, makeup artist, and runway.
runway!?! yes, runway helps us to build self-confidence.

overall it was a fun yet tired day, had a great experience.

first of august, first day of ramadhan.

2011-08-01T09:04:00.003+08:00

assalamualaikum, are you ready to fast in the fasting month of Ramadhan?

so today is 1st of august, 2011 = the start of ramadhan and the first terawih begins ytd night. so basically, i was supposed to go for terawih prayers with my family but sadly, im having my menses.

kalau boleh nak puasa full this year tapi sayangnya, datang bulan :(
anyway since ramdhan is a blessing month, insyallah i'll start to mengaji and sembayang back again! :B

ya allah, berikanlah aku kekuatan dan semangat untuk menghadapi semua cabaran dan cobaan ini.

terhadap umat islam yang lain, janganlah puasa yok'yok. ingat tuhan, tkmo nak ingat raya aja k?
hehehe, selamat berpuasa semua! :D

its all about sugar sugar sugar

2011-07-31T11:31:00.007+08:00

"eating refined sugar is one of the main causes of most of modern diseases. today, refined sugar is added to all modern processed foods and this slow poisoning is not recognized by most of the people. it causes you mental illness and paves way to other health disorders"

i need to control my anger. i get emotional and mad pretty easily especially at my boyfriend for little things. i feel so lost and i think negatively easily too.

mum told me just ytd to control my eating of junk food. sweets and chocolates are the worst! too much sweets cause diabetes, emotional & social, and mental problems.

mental problems such as depression, anxiety and insomnia.. it can also caused obesity is fast becoming a global epidemic that needs urgent attention

(like me somehow)

i think i have a mental illness but i am NOT "mentally ill" and i am not joking. from today onwards, i have to try to put everything aside and think postively a little bit of everything.

ive to think of my health before its getting worst!

ya allah, help me please i need you.

i need your guidance, everything :'(

treasure

2011-07-30T07:07:00.010+08:00

finally im back!

anyway, things have been rather messed up lately. i have to admit that i am quite emotionally disturbed, not by the form of love or anything. truth is, im still trying to readapt myself to the new environment and everything.

everything happens for a reason because oh it aches to see.

the thunder and storms; the heavy rain and floods.

too much happiness is however not good, cause it means that sadness will slam you soon.

----------------

Because I ♥ ♥ You, Shafiq!

just to let you know, i would like to have something in plan for us after all this terrible and unlucky days. nothing else matter when im in your company. you're amazing, you're incredible, you're inspirational, you're god's blessing.

sometimes i wonder, if either one of us ever leave, what would we be left?

you, i love!

----------------

every year, your birthday reminds me how grateful i am that you are my father. with all that’s going on in the world today, im thankful i get to watch you, to look up to you, being an example of a good man. what a privilege it is to observe your strength, your competence, and your kindness. i am so blessed to be under your wing, your protection, your care, learning important life lessons from you. if all fathers were like you, the world would be a very different and much better place.
Happy Birthday Baba, ilurpchew! ♥ ♥

Our 22nd Monthsary

2011-07-08T23:49:00.002+08:00

probably you won't read this in the next couple of days, maybe weeks or months even.

ive loved you from the very first day. 08 september 2009, where the journey all begin. you're the best thing, that has ever been mine. you never fail to make me smile but all i did is hurt you. you're like everything to me. you gave me what i wanted, all i wanted! i didn't like even thank you and im so blessed to have you, shafiq.

imma big headed girl and pretty stubborn no matter how much you tried to settle things with me. you're a patience boyfriend, stick to one, never once lied to me, understands me in everyway and love me for who i am and what i am not. i know that we both have every reasons to leave but yet we're still here, standing strong.

i just want you to know that wherever i go, you're always right here in my heart. thank you for everything you've sacrifice for me all these while.

lets start afresh baby, i love you baby!

Happy 22nd Monthsary to ... us! lurpchew ♥♥♥

2 - in - 1

2011-07-07T13:10:00.005+08:00

you stood with me every time i snapped. you made my every childhood experience, a memorable one. you are my best friend since all these years. you are the reason, i believe in myself cause you are my support, my strength, my friend and my guide.

you have been the oldest friend I have ever had. thank you for being such a lump of sugar to me, sissy. and no matter how horribly we fight, the truth is that i have always loved you and always will.

and i may not give you any birthday present you ask for, but it will never to enough compared to the present that you are to me.

Happy 15Th Birthday little sister, ilurpchew ♥

and not to forget, today is also wawa's 1 year death ..

when you're gone, i miss you :(

♥♡

2011-06-19T00:15:00.003+08:00

i know i am very rude at times but my love for you is endless. you've seen me laugh, you've seen me cry and always you were there with me.

baba you are never wrong. the only time you are wrong is when you think, we forgot about you :(

i cannot survive in this world if i don't have your support and love. please forgive us for our wrong deeds. we want to tell you how much you mean to us because you always thought in such a special way.

i may not have always said it, but thanks, i love you baba!
Happy Father's Day ♥♥♥

im sorry that i love you

2011-06-05T22:56:00.005+08:00

im sorry for hurting you

im sorry for making you cry

im sorry i didnt realise why

im sorry for not understanding you new right

im sorry for all those fights

im sorry for not listening

im sorry for not trying

im sorry i failed you

im sorry i didnt try

im sorry for not caring

im sorry for not being there

im sorry for not supporting you

im sorry i really am

im sorry i let somebody get closer too you

im sorry for fading away

im sorry i didnt chase you

im sorry you swayed away

im sorry it was too late

im sorry i tried again

im sorry i cried all night

im sorry i never found you

im sorry your hearts lost

im sorry i couldnt cure it

im sorry but i'll try now

im sorry if its too late

im sorry but i have to try

im sorry for all the things that i just flew by

im sorry for being so mad

im sorry for being so down

im sorry for not understanding you when i wasnt even around

im sorry for missing countless nights

im sorry for missing you out the puzzle

im sorry for underestimating you

im sorry i let you fall that time

im sorry for my swaying emotions

im sorry for losing your heart

im sorry i wish things where ok

im sorry for being a idiot

im sorry for being acting up like a bitch

im sorry but things were meant too be

and i wont give up thats why

i love you, i need you, you are my everything

i'd do anything too make you happy if u just trust me

♥♡♥♡

2011-05-08T10:00:00.004+08:00

as i look back on my life, i find myself wondering. did i remember to thank you for all that you have done for me? for all of the good times you were by myside to help me celebrate my successes and accept my defeats? or for teaching me the value of hard work, good judgement, courage, and honesty?

i wonder if ive ever thanked you for the simple things. the laughter, smiles, and quiet times we've shared? if i have forgotten to express my gratitude for any of these things, i am thanking you now. and im hoping that you've known all along, how much you are loved and appreciated by us, your children.

happy mother's day, ibu.
we love you ♥♡♥♡

and besides that, today is my 20th monthsary with baby!

sometimes i dont know if im still worth it for the love that you've given me. i dont know if i really deserve to be trusted again. i know ive already betrayed the trust but im really trying to pick myself up and bring myself back to the same old sabrina that you know.

im sorry that i love you, honey.
HAPPY 2OTH MONTHSARY, BABY! XOXO ♥♡♥♡

when there was me & you

2011-05-03T18:37:00.002+08:00

there's nothing to smile about when everything seems so wrong.

you let me fall and i lost it all. i dont know what i did wrong, and all i can say is that, i am done here.

you expect me to be better than i am; it helps me to become better but dont be dissapointed whem im not; it helps me to keep on trying.

yes, im so disappointed in you. i just cannot stand the way you do, you are breaking my heart each day just to pass the time away cause for once i thought your feelings & your little heart was true and we cant go on like this :(

in every relationship, we need to trust and be honest with our partners but where's your honesty!?! why cant you just let all your feelings out to me so that i know how hurt it is all these by trying to put myself in your shoes. why oh why are you hurting me?

ive always forgave you for what you did, but im sorry to say that i still die a little inside everytime i think about it :'(

you're the best

2011-04-25T19:17:00.006+08:00

Love, Equality, Justice, Innocence, Malice, Refuge, Opression, Freedom.

you & me, we're equal. im happy if you're happy, honey.
all i ever wanted was you because my heart beats fast when im around with you.

i ♥ you

backstabber

2011-04-16T13:48:00.004+08:00

its sad to see that two close people dont recognize each other anymore. not because they grew up but because they grew apart.. its terrible how you have to go through such a tragedy to realize who your true friends are and its never your enemies that get you but its always your own people.

people come into our lives and walk with us a mile and then because of circumstances they only stay awhile. they serve a need within the days that move so quickly by and then are gone beyond our reach. we often wonder why. god only knows the reason that we meet and share a smile, why people come into our lives and walk with us a mile. so if i have to leave you i want you to know that in the end it wasn’t because i stopped caring. it was because you stopped being a friend and im sorry to say that i dont even give a fcuk at all!

neither of us meant for things to be this way. if things went differently, maybe we would still talk today but sadly to say, you people don't deserve us.

its good to fight because then i know who’s there for me and then i find out who’s not and maybe some people aren’t meant to be in our lives forever, like seriously.

just before you never speak to me again remember when you used to be my friend. you treated me like shit. im never gonna deny it and i even played your little game. i was there every time you called my name. i still thought our friendship would last but now everything is in the past. all the secrets i shared and you never even cared so lemme tell you and don’t make me repeat it: I FUCKING HATE YOU AND YES, I MEAN IT!

so, why bother asking when you're already know the answer? oh well, you're just lifeless.. stupid bloody fcuker!

you spin my head right round

2011-04-05T13:17:00.003+08:00

no party no outing no nothing, boring. home along again.

besides that, anyone knows why i see things double every time i get up from lying down or staring at something for too long? my head will also spin for about 3 minutes or so but 3 minutes is quite long for me to bear the pain and spins. ive encountered this for more than 3 months now but is it just body habit or?

potential diabetes :'(

Boy-Girl Relationship

2011-03-16T08:59:00.007+08:00

who decides what make a good relationship? does going out with friends mean you do not love your partner as much? does asking your partner endless questions make you a heartless girlfriend? does not knowing how to cook make you the worst girlfriend in the whole wide world? or perhaps, does it mean you are a bad, bad girlfriend/boyfriend if you cheat on them?

who decides, really?

my friends asked me the other day how i manage my relationship when me myself was in a relationshitsxz! -.-

"you're the only one i have now cause there's nothing could replace you"

at this point of time, he already decided that i am the best. no comparison to other girls even. but i wonder whether it would still remain this way when years to come, and better able to make judgements. would he compare me to other girls? would my friends question me about my capbilities as a girlfreind? would they ever doubt me? would my boyfriend blame me if things do not go his way?

i keep telling myself each time that what i feel is good may not necessarily be good for my boyfriend. sure, i want this and that but do he want the same this and that?

wah at that point of time, i feel like giving up but no!

all i can say is that, whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it and that factor is attitude.

you know, in your life, you meet people. some you never think about again. some, you wonder what happened to them. there are some that you wonder if they ever think about you and then there are some you wish you never had to think about again but you do.

you see, guys are more practical; act by the mind, not the heart when they are in the relationship, they show their love to women through doing things. in contrast, women are more perceptive and sensitive than men. they have very different points of view. women tend to think more than the guys do. but they make a good couple. in the real world, it is not easy to find true love; therefore, we should treasure every relationship we have. however, some people do not know how to maintain a good relationship. not even me!

so, here are few points to make in improving this relationship so that both of us can enjoy each other better.

from the beginning, a couple has to be realistic to each other. you must not try to turn your partner into something he or she is not. you should love each other for what you are. there is more to your partner than what meets the eye.

secondly, you should always talk thing out and learn from previous experiences. couples fight when they do not express their feeling clearly. therefore, it’s important to learn to express to each other well, so that your partners understand why you are angry, hurt, or happy. don't make promises you cannot keep. if your partner starts to feel that he/she is not important enough to you, you may just lose him/her. you should always stay committed to each other.

in addition, i think couples should have some common things they do together. if not, they should make an effort to do things together. i believe through those activities, you can understand each other better and it will help prevent misunderstandings in the future. when you are in a relationship, you have to show your love. there are thousands of ways to show your love; buy them gifts or candies or perfume every now and then. these may be old fashioned and common but they are good time favorites, even if you have been together for many years. it is wonderful to continue showing someone that you care for him or her.

respect is the key to develop a relationship. you have to learn to respect each other in your daily lives because love is about respecting each other's feelings and being sensitive to each other at all times. sitting on jealousy would destroy a relationship. jealousy is like a poison that slowly spreads through the relationship before finally killing it. you have to trust your partner because love is about trusting.

many couples like to compare their partners with their ex-girlfriends or ex-boyfriends. this would be suicidal for the relationship. sbringing up the past. this would cause the other party to think that you might want to get back with your ex. whenever you are about to start a new relationship, you must bury the past.

finally, be honest to your partner. when you are hurt, say so, and when you are angry, tell him/her, without getting hysterical. love is also about honesty and a relationship without honesty probably is not worth it because it is not the true love.

in conclusion, i think we have to keep the above points in mind to develop any relationships. love is about sharing. when we are in love, we must treasure the relationship. there is no perfect couple in the world but we can learn and do our best to be one. it is not easy to find love, so once when we do find it, we have to take it seriously and put a lot of effort in nurturing it. do not throw away the gift and deprive yourself.

so you see, at the end of the day, no matter what happens, you are still the best and the best judge is nobody else but your own partner. do not feel discouraged if you are not doing what others are doing for their partner. as long as you are doing something for your partner, you are good enough.

baby's 17th birthday

2011-03-02T23:55:00.005+08:00

guess what!?!?!
it’s your birthday today!
so what i have to say?

i hope i can make your dreams come true, but part of me says i already do.
my dreams have come true and that dream is filled with you. filled with love and happiness but mostly you!!!

what can i say is that i love you! ♥
knowing that you love me too. i try to find the courage to say i love you yet it seems, when im near you.

when im near you, i seem to not know what to say. its overwhelming, knowing that you're mine. all mine but not another girl that can have you.

you’re the only one i need and when i dream, i dream of you.
dreaming someday i’ll be with you and now that i have you, all i can dream is?
dream that you will be mine forever ♥♥

i don’t need that much money to buy you stuff, so this feeling i’ll confess as treasures that money can’t buy words full of love, care and dedication.
well, the fact that you were born and in this reality that we’ve met and being beside me through good and bad times.

and today will be the day that i will celebrate and profoundly thank you for being here with me in this life baby.

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY, BABYLOVE.
baby, i love you.
♥♥♥

think twice

2011-02-21T23:30:00.004+08:00

One thing I've learnt in life, no use explaining yourself cause they would not believe you in the end. They would just think you're making an excuse. I'm tired of explaining myself. It sucks that none of you know what I went through. It sucks that I have to cry myself to sleep at night thinking about this. I hate crying myself to sleep. I hate whatever I'm going through right now :(

i believe

2011-02-18T21:17:00.000+08:00

since you appeared in my life, everything has changed. you care for me and give in to me, you put up with all my nonsense and remain by my side despite everything. i felt like i found someone's presence in you. you were like an extension of him. i know im deceiving myself. and now i finally understand that "that" someone is gone for good, and will not be back.

just when i thought that life had gotten better, it just got worse

2011-02-17T21:11:00.004+08:00

love hurts, but whatever.

i know its hard accepting the fact that ive changed but i know deep down you understand why things like this happened. i know that everything's gone and im still hoping that you'll love me like before. yes, i still am. i tried to move on without you, but i cant! i dont know if i was trying but i never wanted to try. all i ever wanted was you, yes you! reason why? because you changes everything since you came and step into my life.

you made a huge impact in my life more than the others did besides than my family and that's the reason why you're my boyfriend. eventhough you're such an asshole most of the times, you're still awesome in everyway. for as long as you're willing to go through every shitsxz with me, i promise that i wont let you go because im your one and only baby ♥

i know i can act as worst as a bitch at times but you know that i can also be your sweet sugar as long as your treat and love me is right, right shafiq?

seriously, we gotta stop all this cause im struggling through everything all alone and whenever im having fun, i think of you. and now, i dont really cry at little things, instead i smile because im glad that it happened. im glad that we met and that we're together cause you're apart of me, really.

tell me its all going to be okay, because im trying to look on the positive side in our relationship right now cause im gald that im giving this love another try through with you :')

yours to keep

2011-02-15T12:41:00.003+08:00

dear all,

i may always say bad things behind your back,
i do things that are definitely out of your will.
i go to places without your permission and ive said many things that might have hurt you a lot.
but believe me,
i could never ask for any other family, cousins, and friends than you.
you're definitely the best i will ever have and i really love you so much even though im not so great in expressing it because you've been the one and you're the one that i can never let this love just go away, not that easy.

love,
me <3

dear parents

2011-02-08T22:30:00.005+08:00

this pain hurt so much that i feel some much anger within my heart. i say i dont care but actually im playing my part as a daughter. im all alone to suffer, hoping that someone will clear my thought. im just telling you how i feel from my heart. i love life but not that much but im lucky cause i've been given alot of chances at this life and now im about to live it right.

life is crazy and a big ride and im pretty scared of everything. no one understand me at all, my dear parents tell me. what purpose do i deserve? i was brought to be punish cause it seems that way. my life been missed since way back then.

i love my family, yes i do!

all these while the things i dare not say, it would only bring more hate. its the truth i say, you even told me about your ways and i was blind and foolish to head that way. i know that i was loved but sometimes in my eyes, that's a no way :(

i know that i tried to live a lie it would not be me but tears of rain i fight back the urge of saying it again. i need you both, yes i do! please forgive me for all those harsh words that ive thrown at you cause i know you know that i dont mean it at all! i know that you both are trying to show your love and care towards me but im sorry for not appreciating all those all these while :(

and with this, i hope you'll forgive me because i would like to say sorry that i love you my loving parents <3

happy 17th monthsary momok

2011-02-07T21:56:00.005+08:00

i couldnt keep my face not to smile till this day. too many things to do, for this day is so special wondering that magic would happen this day, tomorrow.

i want it to keep it simple yet very special. something romantic and something so sweet because this is our 17th monthsary my sweet.

i couldnt hide how much love i have for you, because every kiss i have with you feels like first. i want you to be happy and having me back again will give you true happiness. you will never be happy when yknow you've hurt those people who believe and expects so much from you. i'd rather love you on my own way than having you just for myself. no denying my love for you is overflowing and i hope this day would be mean so much to you baby :')

HAPPY 17TH MONTHSARY!

I LOVE YOU

dear dad

2011-02-07T21:37:00.004+08:00

im sorry to say that i dislike you for all you did to me. the love is strong that it fell apart and i'll not forget about it, dont worry. for what you had done by checking on my privacy and stuffs, you're making me crazy! i can no longer take this, all you put me through, you're really making me pissed but, you just dont have the clue.

you're screwing up my life, you didnt care about what ive got to say and leaving me feeling numb. for all the pain, that now i behold. i find it so hard just to let it go.

WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME!?! WHYYY!?! :(

i feel so scared, so all alone but its so hard for me to accept everything and i still dont know what to do.

why are you treating me like this? :(
all i wanted to do was to make our family happy.
what did i do that was wrong until you lose your trust in me?
what i want is you giving me a little space for my own and atleast a little freedom and to gain your trust back! but it seems that, i cant make it!
but whatever you do to me, i'll always stand strong because i love you still :'(

he's the everything

2011-02-01T22:21:00.004+08:00

those days you waited, worth awhile now.

ive got nothing to fear with you by myside, riding it.

there's no perfection in us, and thats the reason why i loved you.

get well soon brother

2011-01-24T21:22:00.004+08:00

get well quick, i hope you're feeling better. im always thinking of you if you stay sick. when you are admitted to hospital that day, it gives me quite a fright when i looked at the condition you're in that i cried for the whole night. we feel incomplete, like a jigsaw puzzle with a missing piece. i really wanted your illness to be ended and get back on your feet up. besides that, i want you to know that i think of you each day and pray for your recovery hoping soon you'll be okay.

i know that you're going through alot right now. your treatments can be really painful but hold on to your positive attitude and when things get hard to bear, know that i am here for you including baba, ibu, kakak aini and nenek. just remember that we care for you, brother.

when you told me that you saw me in your dreams, it really brought me to tears. im hurt because i care for you. its like as if a part of me mourns thinking that life isn't unfair :(

past & present

2011-01-23T15:55:00.007+08:00

everyone wants a perfect love story including me, myself.
everything happen for a reason because it aches to see.
the disaster and storms; the heavy rain and floods.

i used to be the girl whose bound out of love from previous relationship i had and now, we're back together! the return of a person from my past, muhd shafiq.

i got a pretty beautiful rainbow now.
you're all that matters to me, because now you're difinitely my present. insyallah.
iloveyou

new baby brother

2011-01-15T14:58:00.012+08:00

a baby brother is a gift, a blessing in everyway.
he's there to love and hold and hug, and treasure everyday.

indeed he's so small and sweet, has arrived to make your family feel complete. today, i mean ytd on 14th january 2011, you've something unique and brand new. in sweet baby's love, bundled and stored for you.

yes, he's not my brother but i think im crazy over your sweet little baby brother. he's ever on my mind because im sure that he's so cute and sweet. he's one of a kind.

i know no words could ever relay or truly express both you and your family feelings at this time of happiness bringing you joy with love. he is shining an angel with tiny sweet nose so completely made up with ten fingers, and ten toes. from today onwards, he is laughter and teardrops so small and brand new and he is sent to bless you. trust me, he is one special baby brother, the best of life's measure. he will surely bring you memories aplenty in measure.

and now, let's warmly welcoming your baby brother into the wolrd today.

with this, im congratulating both you and your family upon his arrival.
goodluck and god bless, xoxo (':

new year = new resolution

2010-12-31T15:24:00.007+08:00

so here it goes;

days passed, time flies so fast. life is unfair, life sucks at times, and life is full of lies. i creid a million tears thinking abt what will happen to me next in 2011? 2010, alot of things happen. i hurt my parents, this and that and i never get to be the girl that they wanted. 2010, you woke me up because i dont always get what i wanted. you hurt my feelings for the right reason and thankyou for being nice to me.

2011, i wish i'll be better. in what way? i mean a great daughter to my parents. 2011, study well with a positive thinking, i hope soo by getting motivated. 2011, i guess i need to choose better friends and stop thinking that the world revolves arnd me alone.

2011, new year = new memories, new mistakes, new heartaches, new school, new people, new laugh, new environment, new experience and a new attitude.

so what is the new year resolution for me?

to become a better person/girlfriend/friend/daughter/sister.
to make my parents/family proud of me by studying hard, of course!
to start saving money and minimize my spending.
to gain weight! and be more fit ;D hahahah!
and to ace in my studies.

i thank allah for giving us another year to atleast wake up and change. i hope i am, insyallah (:

and last but not least, happy birthday nenek! me love you many-many, heheh.

not too good, not too bad.

2010-12-20T21:15:00.004+08:00

17 december;

i was delighted after knowing that shafiq did well for his N'lvl, better than how i did. baby, im proud of you, super proud eventhough i always look down on you all this while. it really saddens me cause i guess i did badly for my N. my form teacher told me that i got 3 Cs for myself and right after i opened up the envelope, all of that is super crap courses i tell you. omg? i've appeal for the nitec courses but im still having a hard time thinking weter should i go to MDIS to take private O? well i held back my tears. whatever shits people had been calling swiss cottage is, whatever i had called this school is before, that was then. swiss cottage is still my school, the place which had thought whats life is. what it really felt to go through up&down moments during my teen and school life witk all those people whom i called friends, sister&brother, teachers. i know teachers and even my DM would be grateful to have this badge (my badge) out of school cause we would stop giving troubles alrdy.

everythings is just left memories, where clans were in. and now, everybody seems to go their own ways, the past, ive forget about it, maybe. go on, move on and takecare. new friends in th upcoming years but relax chill, take it easy. you people are still the ones that had made me who i am today, the reason why im standing here, standing on my own legs to go through my life. thankyou. if we could, hold on to this very thing i called........ FRIENDSHIP (:

bitchy barbie = worthless

2010-12-13T16:28:00.005+08:00

i've been caught up with work that i dont even have time for myself. i miss all my leisure times and everything else. everything that made me excited has gone down the drain because my life is a wreck right now or maybe im just stress up with something/someone or maybe ive got no bucks with me. ahhh, whatever man. everything's just busy to me today, yeah i feel bitchy.

its been a month and the pain never left me. now, every guy that passes by are all the same! and maybe, with a different personality. but whatever it is, you're not worth my time boysxz. i just want a thing. i want the old you, the one that used to treat me ever so nice but i know that i can never be the one, i knew it. fcuk it sabrina

erghh, im having a fcuked up feelings now, fcuk it.

okay bye ah, i btl btl tak suka kan you lagi ah because you cheat my feelings :(

guys are assholes.

2010-12-01T15:31:00.002+08:00

fcuk, should i say that i miss you?

fcuk you boysxz!

to tell you the truth, im tired of everyone here.

perangai tkmo macam cb please, muka mintak kena sepak ah korang!

because you guys seriously pissed me off to the max mansxz.

hi.

2010-11-26T17:55:00.006+08:00

i know ive been neglecting this blog like hell much so thats the reason for me being here now. speaking of which, i need a catch up session with alot of people and yes i know its been so long since we dated out and i bet that its gonna feels really nice. am i right? heh.

ok what i really hope now is that the next month will be full with suprises. sucha nice timing with after that days and weeks with huge pressure and now then i could feel the enthusiasm.

how great is that ya?

was taken on last tuesday during the WWFC vs ISA match at st wilfred. the match was awesomesxz and i cant wait for the semi finals. you go boysxz! lol.

yeah, im not up for something but i think whatever it is made me excited ;D

all in a week

2010-11-21T18:16:00.008+08:00

18 november 2010;
prom was super incredible, it was well organised but not well planned and everything. except for the food, not worth my $55 at all, cb! well wait, let me tell you ok. i spent $0 on prom. who said you have to spend hundreds of dollars for one night? hehehe (:

besides that, my saturday was awesomesxz with those bitches. and oh, pictures all will be uploaded in fb ok? heh kbye.

uninspired

2010-11-14T21:40:00.012+08:00

my saturday was the bomb with these people. oh man, i love them.

well me?

im happy and you're sad and let's just be strangers if thats what you really want. i wanted us to be friends instead but you prefer going away, leading your own way than be it. its okay cause everything happened for a reason and i dont give a fcuk to it anymore because im trying to live my life to the fullest now. fcuk the people that dont give a shit about me.

and ya, it make me realise how much i miss him just for a few days. jom meet sebab i nak jumpa you! and i wonder, is this really worth it? i was too afraid to tell you but some day, you'll soon realise boy.

imma happy girl

2010-11-13T08:51:00.011+08:00

wait a minute, let me ask you this. one last question.
who are you to judge the life i live? i know im not perfect and i dont live to be. but, before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean. im so fcuking tired of all your nonsense. please, for once remember that you're not always right. seriously, people. fcuking drift. i hate how you guys over reacting to this shit. i simply drifted. yeah, i may have changed, but nothing bad?
im just growing up unlike you all (:
shits happens, and you'll never know who you can trust these days.

you dont fcuking know me.

i dont fcuking live to impress anyone of you.

im still here, smiling.

anymore?

and as for today, saturday.

im not going to rot myself at home since im not working so ya, i'll be heading down to the beach at sentosa with these bunch of lovely people, ohh saturday will be good!

like finally, beach day here i come! xoxo.

bloody bastard with no life

2010-11-13T00:04:00.017+08:00

im down with tons of problems because somethings just got out of hand so ya, now everything is not perfectly fine. yes now im officially saying it to everyone that shafiq and me is over. yes, over but we're still friends though. i guess? i dont wish to argue because anything can happen. tons of miscommunication, misunderstanding and things like that, maybe one of us is just lack of something and things just go down if none of us wanna fight for it. its tiring and hurting when all you fight for something is something that is really not that worth it when all you do is cry and get hurt and cry again but the other party just want it to end. so ya, i dont hold any grudges towards shafiq and its really okay if you wanna say anything about me okay? i really dont mind.

saying sorry doesnt mean im fcuked loser, no. im just giving in cause maybe everything happened for a reason.

and to korang, thanks alot.
ive never thoght you would be this way, you guys are one jerk too. never thought you would backstab me too and ya, should i say thanks aft what you've said? stop acting this way, grow up lah please! is it even your bussiness? omg, i regret calling you my friend you bloody bastard.

as for me, as time flew by, ive never thought i would find a friend someone like you to make me smile throughout the time. ive never though i would find someone that is willing to be there for me, despite knowing that imma little girl that just got her heart broken and forever unsure with everything happened. he always been the one, reminding me to never hurt and everything is ok. its amazing and thankyou for your great help.

other than that, come back quickk because i got alot of things to share with you (:

know abt each other

2010-11-11T11:40:00.001+08:00

we love them, we love them.

no turning back

2010-11-11T08:24:00.004+08:00

to forgive is to forget, to forget is to forgive.
but when you forgive and
forget,
have you ever thought whether it works out for both party?

i dont feel good at all but im gonna make a turning point in my life.
yes im upset, depressed and whatever you name it. my eyes are dry and swollen, so is my heart. i doubt we can trust each other any further so there aint any point. we gotta play hard to get it. its just different. in a relationship, it cant be always a single party's fault. it gotta always be both. it never really one. i know that it will be hurtful for him but ive no more right.

i wonder why people say that their in love when the actually fact they dont know what love means and that goes out to me as well. so i kept wondering, am i willing to leave a friend for my boyfriend just because he dislike him/her? i kept on wondering whether i have the guts to do so or maybe im just too young to even leave my friends for my boyfriend when i actually dont know whether my boyfriend is the perfect one yet at this age. im stuck in this! i felt love but what is love? i just couldnt find the answer. i never wanna commit but i think i should cause sometimes some true facts abt secondary love happens and it makes me wanna commit but sometimes i really think i shouldnt. i have tons of questions and no one is even answering and seriously, i dont wish to ponder abt this anymore.

after this i'll be a changed girl, maybe for the better maybe for the worst. it all lies in me. but for now, nothing disturbs me. thats all i could think of, the perfect sense.

who is

2010-11-10T10:22:00.011+08:00

he is my new bestfriend.

i spend long nights with him talking about this and that, about anything and everything although he may get under my skins at times. he comes to my rescue when i need it most. im glad to have you and sometimes i feel like shaking you up like fizy pop soda bottle because your so cute and all you need is a little wakeup call. he's crazy like me, both mentel in our own strange little ways and that's why we're perfect trouble that met within a crime. he comforts me at times, at the moment between he and i to help me find my way, and he'll be there. and with this i will declare, that he is my best friend. he is the best out of the best, we love us. xoxo.

"you're still young, dont tie yourself down to one when you can
have any boy rapped around your finger"

still unwritten

2010-10-31T09:50:00.007+08:00

i know, how the heart aches come and they go and the scars they are leaving. and just like that, i didn't care about you anymore. there's always a happier tomorrow and soon we'll see our brighter days. face your fears, dont run away from it because fear will come back to haunt you when you least expect it, but the more you face the easier you'll handle it.

he had his way of pulling me deeper, and you have your way pulling me under, the force much stronger than gravuty. tell me what to feel now before i lose myself. its funny how we make these promises to ourselves which we never keep. when everything seems to be going perfect, gravity pull us back down to reality and make us realise, if everyone is perfect... nobody is.

always know that i'll always be there when no one seems to care, we'll go through this together because there's no challenge if everything was meant to be anyways.

somehow i wanna tell you i tried to do my best, but do you believe in me?
im sorry because you're just not worth waiting for. not anymore!

happy.

2010-10-29T17:53:00.008+08:00

you know what the best feeling in the world is?
the feeling that nothing can touch you. the feeling that you're going to be
okay forever & always. the feeling that everything is going to stay just how it is, and the feeling of being excessively and overly happy the times when you're gasping for
air from laughing, or nearly in pain from smiling so much. when you're with your
friends, and you know this is how it's supposed to be. i love those times, and i
love that feeling. i want to bottle it up and have it always,
because thats what i think life is about.
forgetting the bad, and getting lost in the good.

one of a kind ♥

2010-10-28T19:18:00.009+08:00

this is not the end of a beautiful friendship although it ended a day ago cause your eyes told me so. we've always been like sister and brother. for you, i stood here ever by your side and from distance to now, the bitter will never end. you are my friend in my mind. a bunch of cruel people who loves to sways for attention.

you've been the one person i can tell anything, no matter how much it might hurt. we've never held one another down; we've respected each other and we've laughed. you guys is the most precious gift that i could ever receive.

with every passing years, memories all kind leaves behind to cherish and brings pleasure of friendship treasure. that bring tears in my eyes, and also smiles that are wise. though we may never be together, you guys will remain in my heart for all time. i love you and you mean alot to me because we give each other hope, something to be sought. we as a class brought light and scared away all fears especially when it came to idiotic boys and girls.

i wish there could be somemore time knowing that one day we will part like the stormy wind blow. friends come and go and i wont forget those precious memories because you're one of a kind <3

what a wonderful romatic sweet and lovely day

2010-10-25T22:13:00.003+08:00

thank you for the wonderful romantic sweet and lovely day babyboy!

i was shocked to see whats inside! tysm and i love you, yes i do!

oh no, im turning 16

2010-10-25T21:41:00.009+08:00

its 25 october 2010 and happy birthday to me!
family sang birthday song to me, alot of phone messages, alot of faceboook wall to wish me.
a million thanks to all of you for wishing me, you guys are awesumsxz!
i dont mind if my birthday will not be a blast one and didnt get any present as long as my loved ones remember my birthday and wish me.

greatest birthday present which is from my family members.

thank you so much for the gifts and you people make my birthday a blast one this year.

2 more days

2010-10-23T13:06:00.004+08:00

2 more days and im like all excited now.

simply cant wait for monday.

2 more days feels like forever (:

monday, come quick because i simply cant wait to turn 16.

*pouts

i've hurt you enough

2010-10-20T15:09:00.003+08:00

sorry, ive hurt you enough. i admit im going on dates.

but you know who i truly love the most right?

dont be hurt or angry or sad or jealous because i dont want you to.

i know where am i standing so dont worry.

:'(

you're at the worst

2010-10-18T16:39:00.007+08:00

i am moving on and i have been strong all these while. why cant people accept the way i am? its my life i am leading and whom i wanna be with. its my life alright and now im blanked and fcuked-up. my life have been smashing on the sand, i swear. its been crazy without anyone there to held my hand when me & boyfriend fought & shaking. my life has been just like a runway. i have so far fast and im proud of myself. this is like a test i am gonna take with him. i havent have the mood to do anything. i guess we are drifting apart. fcuking yes, i dont know where we standing. but i still love you, thats matter now.

though my life been crushing guy's heart and make them suffer, i know i'll get that karma back soon. but what i know i did that to make me think for myself moving on with this life what i called. im hurt in the past and i been too emotional and brought it to other person. for every shit that is happening to me. i been dating and been contacting with a player. i still find jealousy and shits feelings. its not that you whom i hate the most, its you whom i fall in love with. i know you took great care of me whenever im with you. everything change, and i want tell you that i love you again. i been lacking nothing but self-esteem. i was dumb. what people say abt me, its about everything that you dont wish to hear. seriously, its like the new us and the new love thing. but i am being mean to you, oh gosh whats wrong with me?

i've been chiling with the other guy and i swear they're effing different from one another. i have been hanging out with him for 2days and its just a crush now. everything was new. the feeling, the atmosphere, the shy kind of type and all sorts of trauma shits that you gave me. i am thinking far but at least this is my escape frm misery. for the moment now only.

things with you, it permanent and i swear that your name is nveer be spoken if we are never ok. lets go baby to that place once call shits & drama. lets end that without thunder and all and i love you.

2010-10-09T10:09:00.006+08:00

i learnt something practical that the most important person in your life is the person you're with. i've realised shafiq made me feel the most important person of his life when he is with me. life is unpredictable. i dont like it when we fight because it's very ugly and irritating. and tht is why im appreciating him when he is with me, to the fullest. this happiness will pass soon and problems wil occur. but now when hapiness is with me, i wanna make full use of it and im happy now, i love it. i also learnt tht everytime when i have to say sorry to you, i think of all the possible reasons of why i shouldnt and maybe that was what you did too. i would do anything necessary for you, and you would do anything necesarry for me too so dont let the necessary occur, i love you.

other than tht, i would like to thank these people for being thr for me ytd.

i love my people alot-lot.

2010-10-07T15:01:00.000+08:00

how would it be without you, dear one.

2010-10-06T18:17:00.003+08:00

been busy with Nlvl lately, so many things left unsaid.

well, things have been going smoothly and 1 more ppr to go.

seriously, i cant wait for my upcoming holiday and there's so many thing for me to do and everything else. and on a side note, revision has been good (:

2010-09-22T15:46:00.003+08:00

i simply hate feeling this way because sometimes i just dont know what do i want actually. im just confused with myself and this feeling simply sucks. its like you want something so badly but eitherway you cant have it or perhaps you can have it but you got to sacrifice something else.
ah fcuk, but who cares?
this feeling is simply bringing me down :(
i guess im not easy to handle, that is why im still like this..

Salam Lebaran 2010

2010-09-18T13:48:00.010+08:00

Salam Lebaran, Salam Ikhlas Dari Kami

crucial period

2010-09-01T11:14:00.004+08:00

by now i should have been drowned in books and lecture notes and no doubt i feel super malas but oh well this is gonna be the last take so whats the harm of giving your all, isnt it? yes! i gotta admit that im lacking wayyy behind and by now i shuld have been bucking up as my gardes is not that reasonable like what the fcuk. i wanna get good grades for my 'N and i know that by now i should have been so damn hardworking so that everything i go through and all my hard works and effort, life would be worth it all after. just gotta hang on it to a few more days and aft my N level, i can enjoy and have my fun!

i know that i can do and make it, trust me! im gonna give my best, 6 - 8 september.

time is too short

2010-08-14T23:03:00.003+08:00

time is too short for me right now!

when i look back at the date, its not five but four solid weeks!

counting down ... 23 more days to go before N level strts!

i wonder how i'll cope and manage everything because things are getting beyond control.

too much of things, and too little time.

nvrtheless, i'll go through this four weeks of hell.

cause i believe that i'll make i there to make my parents proud of me.

and yes, ive to strt my revision right now alrdy! yes now!

sweet as ever

2010-08-06T22:07:00.011+08:00

he makes me smile with his words

he makes me melt with his touch so tender and soft

he makes me laugh with his silly jokes and funny faces

he makes me cry tears of joy with his lovely surprises

he makes me see what love really is.

other than that, he knows how to please me and how to love me.

speaking of which, he shows me he cares with all the little things he does for me.

though im not th greatest girlfriend, he loves me as if i was his true love

because im his one and only princess (:

you are th sweetest boyfriend who's willing to send me your home made cake at this time round even if its alrdy late at night and here's the outcome of the marshmallow chocolate cake!

wooo i loike, vv th sedap like seriously

oh well, beside that i love these bunch of people because we're still here together!

52nd

2010-08-01T17:32:00.003+08:00

let me just say a word of thanks cause without you, i wouldnt be here to celebrate your 52nd year. i knw sometimes i can be ungrateful and i knw sometimes i can make you mad but deep inside i know you know no matter what you're still my dad.
so happy belated birthday to you my old man and good luck in your days as 52nd.
may everything you do be blessed with happiness and prosperity, i love you baba

what is your problem?

2010-07-26T21:36:00.001+08:00

your intentions are prdictable, dont think i'll never know abt all the bad you have done to me. the emotional injuries that cut me deep down and i will never forgive you for all the bad you have done and dont you dare think you hace won! so ya, what is your fcuking problem with me?
get a life, will ya?

unshared secret

2010-07-22T19:55:00.002+08:00

this goes out to all the people i have hurt.

im sorry my actions and my feelings are inconsistent.

im sorry that i tend to get sick of people so easily.

im sorry that one day i told you i loved you and the next i changed my mind.

im sorry for how complicated of person i am.

im sorry for all of you that had put up with me and my mood swings.

im sorry that i fall in love with someone else for a couple of months and then get bored and find someone else.

im sorry that im not perfect, including all of you too.

im sorry that im not stable.

im sorry that you've fallen in love with me but i didnt really give a shit.

im sorry that i made you feel like you were special to me when really you weren't.

im sorry for being so damn narcissistic and only always wanting to talk abt me.

im sorry if i came into your life and fucked everything up.

2010-07-20T17:59:00.001+08:00

stop telling people that im a flirt, because the only person i flirt with is myself infront of mirror.
got that?

my destiny

2010-07-19T20:11:00.004+08:00

im struggling in friendships and i can say that ive broken up my relationships with a few of my friends. and idk whats up with that. im sorry and feel bad about it eventho im not partly to be blamed. ive tried to talked things out but nothing seems to work. not that as if we cant remain friends, indeed we couldnt. just that we knew ourselves better and will hopefully, we becomes friends again in time to come. i hate the current situation sooooo much! i dont understand why some people simply cant keep their nasty comment to themselves and they love to giving out hints to others. yea, i know its your life and im trying really hard to accept all this shits that had happen to me all this while. you guys are so mean! you people are just pretending to be nice infront of me. but i chose to ignore as its the best solution we can ever had. but some people still insists on playing th game which that one tiny small matter had now became everyone's issue. all these concerns me okay! i.fcuking.hate.this

im afraid that i might losing you, my friends. one by one left and i cant bare to lose anyone of you. its sooo sad for me to know that we're totally a different person now, more likely like a stranger. i definitely miss those who doesnt miss me :(

for once, dont ever change th way we are as this is what ive been longing for this kind of friendship which i used to treasure you guys like alot-lot. imyouguyssomuch yknow like seriously :'(

my life, my love

2010-07-17T15:29:00.004+08:00

my life's been great, lately.

life is life, however it would go

love is love, no matter what would occur

love is growing more with every hearts beat

feelings of my heart could nvr change

love is life, life is love.

my tolerance isnt much and my heart is fragile.

im not innocent, im a sinner, im not perfect because i make mistakes.

Best I Ever Had (Acoustic Cover) - Donna, Ruby, and Anna

2010-07-15T21:05:00.001+08:00

best i ever had

2010-07-13T16:31:00.002+08:00

had my english oral exam ytd and i did it so-so i guess? weel, i tried to give the best but i dont think that i did the best i could. english has to come naturally for me you see, ohmygod but its okay whatever it is just try my best and have confident in yourself rmbr? heh

Tan Hong Ming

2010-07-10T15:14:00.001+08:00

aww he's soo cute

Auburn - Perfect two (w/ lyrics&downloadlink)

2010-07-10T10:02:00.002+08:00

perfect two

2010-07-09T18:53:00.002+08:00

not only him, but ya everyone. i vvv emosi nowadays and idk whats the reason why

2010-07-09T18:20:00.000+08:00

7 july 2010

2010-07-07T17:18:00.006+08:00

wawa's gone, and i didnt seek for forgiveness.

she pass away on 7 july which is today.

i hope she's safe up thr.

on the same day she pass away are my sister's birthday. everyone is feeling damn down.

i keep on looking at my dad and i know that he's not strong enough.

only now aft you're gone, imysm :'(

not only her, but also my late grandfather

may her soul rest in peace, amin

today is the day as a symblos of love, luck and more.

i am proud to say happy 14th birthday to you

p/s: thanks alot friends for th endless conforting messages. your txt had definitely cheered me a little and mark a smile on my face for being thoughtful

arts night

2010-07-05T08:45:00.005+08:00

3rd july, arts night at river valley high school was a blast!

i love you girls alot lot

2010-07-02T23:04:00.002+08:00

it had been a hectic month for me this year, busy this and that :/
i feel soo dreaddeedd. and im trying my very best to be awake at all times.
and yes, it survived and sometimes it doesnt at a certain moment :(
anyway, tmr is the day. my performance, your performance, our performance = arts night!
do come down and support, preety please. wish us luck alright?
and yes what do you expect? and all i need is a break, rest!
i am just plain tired with everything. this is soooo tiring!

all i wanted

2010-06-27T15:31:00.004+08:00

all i wanted from you was change.

all the pain, suffers and heartaches we went thru.

you are protective and defensive of me and you feel responsible for my mistakes.

i have been patient with you at times when you just get on my nerves.

you hope the best for me and nvr did give up.

it's heartbreaking because no one will understand what i feel!

2010-06-26T23:14:00.003+08:00

Keyshia Cole - Someone Tell My Heart ( NEW 2010 SONG)

2010-06-25T15:18:00.001+08:00

i can try to walk away but i only seem to end up nowhere, i made my mind that's the easy part .. someone tell my heart

Olympus Pen EP1 DSLR

2010-06-23T17:34:00.008+08:00

Olympus FE-360
Sony a230 DSLR

i have been using my other two camera which is Olympus FE-360 and Sony a230 DSLR which is very typical of any DSLR cameras - black in colour, big and bulky, no special effects that can be created straight awy, and yes, with no video functions except for my Olympus FE-360 camera. i had no complains back then because i did not think any camera company would actually be able to come up with a DSLR that was totally the opposite - not black in colour, not big and bulky, has special effects that can be created straight away, and yes with video functions.

can you imagine a pink DSLR? YES! i want this Olympus Pen EP1 DSLR please

happy father's day

2010-06-20T21:46:00.002+08:00

many words, rather keep than say.
my father is strong and tough,
all days night evenings you've wandered for my well being
all that you have done, for my pleasing
you are the tear in my eye and the laughter you bought on my lips is truly rejoice
i cannot thank you or ty in such means how u've always fulfilled my dreams.
to me, you are glorious hero, my shelter and all.
you're my everything my safe warmth and my guide shoulder.
we love you dearly. happy father's day, baba!

family bond

2010-06-18T21:18:00.004+08:00

its broken and cannot be fixed.
we used to be so happy but where did it go?
im not sure how they feel but i almost feel alone.
it all ended just like that.
i dont know what happened to the special bonds we had.
it's broken and i want it to be fixed.
i want us to went through the same pain together because we're loved.
we've been through together but we havent been there for each other.
its sad and its hurting.
she doesnt feel a part of the family and i dont really consider us a family because family is supposed to be there for each other but we're not.
it not only hurting you both, its hurting your children too!
i want the love to stay because without you guys i dont know what to do.
you guys mean alot to me, because it creates a special bond.
i love you :'(

Glee - Total Eclipse Of The Heart (HQ+LYRICS) FULL!

2010-06-17T17:50:00.001+08:00

im stuck with this song

Brown Eyes - Destinys Child

2010-06-16T22:17:00.001+08:00

hi this is for you and i know you loves me, so do i

2010-06-16T22:10:00.008+08:00

i dont really enjoyed today because something is bothering me but thanks to you two for making me smiled and laughed atleast.
i hate this shitsxz to happen again and again because it hurts me much!
for once, try understand my heart will cha? :'(

Justin Bieber - Never Say Never ft. Jaden Smith

2010-06-14T13:17:00.001+08:00

karate kid soundtrack